Don't Think of Me as a Teacher Part 1

Today's is a Guest Blog written by veteran educator Herbert Dunwitty, a progressive classroom teacher with over 15 year's experience in the classroom or (as he calls them) "Share-spaces".  Due to his teenage daughter being unavailable to show him how his laptop works, Herbert, who exists only in the minds of "realistic" MPs, Academy Chain board members and Peter Hitchens, has not previously published any of his wisdom online. Informutation is proud to be carrying this first in what will be a continuing series, provided his Union doesn't tell him we're all "Goveites".

Don't Think of Me as a Teacher, Think of Me as a teacher (with a lower case t): Reflections on Considerations of Approaches to """Education""". 

After a busy day lowering Standards I often find myself sitting back with a cup of Fair Trade tea and a digestive and thinking to myself, "Herbert, did you do everything you could for the precious young minds in your care today?"

The answer, of course, is yes.

And yet there are days when I ask myself what more than 100% would look like? Numbers have never really been my strong suit but I suppose it might look a bit like a picture of a butterfly. And butterflies are what I was busily shouting at my class to think about whilst they threw flick knives at each other yesterday.

Who are you to say this isn't learning?

Suddenly I felt a hand tugging at my arm,

"Sir, what's the exam going to be about in June?"

Of course I stopped everyone right there and drew their attention to the tragedy that was 

unfolding before us: a child wanted to pass an exam.

In the fifteen minutes or so it took for the class to be quiet, I had plenty of time to reflect on the miserable situation of this poor child who had been brainwashed to think that he future happiness depended on her passing an exam. I cast my mind back to my time at Oxford in the late 70s, when I was seeing this simply smashing girl with a Siouxsie Sioux haircut. Where would I have been if I had thought exams were important? I mean obviously I did think so otherwise I never would have got there in the first place but the point is I was wrong. 

And being able to admit that is what makes me right, right now.

Anyway, by this point 50% or so of them were quiet. I thought "close enough" and launched into an extensive diatribe against worldly success. I do believe that little Joolz was crying behind her blackberry, although that might have been because Shenay had just BBM'd her a particularly elaborate character assassination Brandon had just posted on Tumblr.

"Children!" I announced over the din, "Put down your phones and stop reenacting the struggle for civil rights by cussing each other and eating behind your hands, one of our colleagues wants to know some FACTS."

Some of the more conscious ones gawped in disbelief.

"Now who can remember rule one which we all agreed to?"

A hand shot up.

"Please sir, is it "If a man in a suit comes in just tell them you're a level five aiming at a level six and keep copying off the board?"

"Oh no, that's not it, that's rule ten, rule one? begins with "If..."

"If we all know nothing then nobody feels left out!" the ones who weren't dodging chairs or applying makeup chorused.

"Exactly!" I said, "Now go and stand in the Empathy Corner and forget things until you spontaneously realise how disadvantaged you made people in our environment feel!"

Duly chagrined, the wrongdoer withdrew to contemplate the error of their ways, and I had time for a quick fag out the window before the next swoop by SLT on a Learning Walk. They have them every fifteen minutes now.

That's what 110% looks like.

Next week: How these, plus a whole lot of heart, can absolutely wreak havoc with schoolwide behaviour policies in a double period last thing on a Friday.