The Holes of the Stephen King Mini Golf Course Which I Will One Day Own
1. Cujo (Par 3)
The car with the woman and the child stuck in it is a tricky ramp. The baying of a rabid St Bernard plays constantly whilst you try and make your shot.
2. Carrie (Par 5)
Knock your ball into a bucket of Pig's Blood to trigger the psychic death inferno.
3. It (Par 4)
A crooked dog leg with a large clown faced feature into whose mouth you putt. The ball is deposited in an ominous drain from which you retrieve it and the clown's mouth is full of knives.
4. Pet Cemetery (Par 3)
The putting green is shaped like the actual burial ground. Sink your ball in the wrong hole and it gets returned, covered in grey ooze and somehow...different.
5. The Shining (Par 4)
Takes place in a huge maze. To win, the ball must be shot through a smashed door panel behind which your alcoholic father intermittently appears, grinning horribly.
6. The Stand (Par 5)
Huge neon signs illuminate this Vegas themed fun-traction at night! Littered with corpses.
7. Misery (Par 3)
A huge typewriter dominates this impressive hole, which tradition dictates patrons attempt on their hands and knees whilst in the grips of cocaine psychosis. Watch out for the pig!
8. The Tommyknockers (Par 4)
Based on your own bedroom, painstakingly recreated by our designers to reflect a particularly bad summer when you were fourteen and nobody cared if you lived or fucking died, when the family just went away and left you and the pipes were making these weird sounds. Water Hazard.
9. Firestarter (Par 5)
This hole is really good. Shut up it is.
